On March 30 2006, my previous organization decided to reward me with the work that I had been doing for the past 12 months and gave me
Since my wife did not have an off on Saturday, we decided that once I had completed the paperwork, I would call her to sign on the notice. So I walked into the registrar's office in BDA Complex, Koramangala at 10 am. I had done some internet research on the Special Marriages Act, and took some tips from a colleague of mine too got married under this Act. A couple of days earlier, I had visited the place to find out the practical nuances. I had caught hold of a broker/agent who said that he would be able to get the thing done in no time - cost Rs. 900. All I need were the identity and age proofs of the both of us, the residence proofs and three witnesses to sign on the the notice.
When I reached this place, the place was deserted. I called up this guy, it turns out the office starts at 10 but everyone comes at 10:30 only. So I thought I would arrange for the witnesses to sign for me. I started calling people. Some excerpts of my conversations -
Call #1:
Me: Hi, Vivek here. I am planning to get married and would like you to come to the registrar's office to sign as a witness for me.
Friend #1: Ya right. Get some one else to be the bakra.
Call #2:
Me: Hi, Vivek here. I am planning to get married ....
Friend #2: Really - do you think I am such a dumb ass
Call #3:
Me: Hi, Vivek here. I am planning to get married ....
Friend #3: Ok today is Saturday. SoI have applied oil on my hair. I would be able to come only at 1.
Me: no problem.
Friend #3: Ok
Me: Yippie
5 mins later, Friend #3 called up again
Friend #3: I talked with my friends. I think you are making a fool of me. I am not coming.
Me: no baba. I swear. I am not making a fool of you. In fact you can get two of your friends too. I need 3 witnesses.
Friend #3: Ok
2 mins later, Friend #3 calls up again
Friend #3: My friends told me that you are going to make a grand fool out of all of us. We are not coming.
Me: Hey hold on, listen.
Friend #3: No. I am not going to be the laughing stock of the town. Bye.
This broker came in at 11. He gave a form and I filled in the details. I still had to find the witnesses. I called up my wife and asked her to come down to sign the papers. I kept calling my phone book. People were asleep, had gone to Tirupathi (sorry for calling on the mobile), had a prior appointment with the dentist, hell... My friend's brother agreed to come. I somehow managed to convince him that I was not going to make a fool out of him. I also got hold of a couple there who had come to get their marriage certificate to act as witnesses.
My wife came and my friend's bro turned up. We went into the office. The PA to the registrar handles all the paperwork. He registrar just signs on the certificate. He also takes the official cut from the bribes that are. Suddenly he decides that my papers are not complete.
It seems that the rules had changed. The documents that could be "officially" taken as proof of residence had changed. The new rules were stuck in on the walls of the PA's office. The Hutch phone bill would not serve the purpose. Luckily, my wife had taken a cooking gas connection from HP and that could be admitted as the proof of residence for her. But I was still in the cold. The rental agreement that was to serve as my proof of residence was not valid. I had to get a certificate from the taluka office that I were indeed residing where the rental agreement had stated.
I took the broker to a corner and asked him to ask the PA to "adjust". In Indian official government office terms this means I would pay you a bribe, you ignore. Then I went in a talked to him. He looked at all the documents and said that it would cost 3000 bucks. We finally settled for 2500. It was also agreed that we would pay 1000 now for the notice and rest at the time of the marriage. The color of money changed the attitude of the PA. He just rushed through the rest of the process. In the next room, we got a computer generated application receipt - hell I still had to pay the application fee of Rs 33. This we had to bring when we come back for the marriage.
After the April Fool fiasco, things came back to normal. We had to do shopping, look for a new house where we would stay after marriage and make travel arrangements for our parents. We found the house that both of us liked at a reasonable rent and we took possession on the 30th of April 2006. I continued in my house till 5th May - the initial date of the marriage. (We had initially decided on 5th May as the day of the wedding. My mom decided to consult some astrologers. The astrologers decided that 5th is not such a good day. I was going to take none of it. After a lot of coercing, tussling and threats, the date was advanced a day to 4th May. )
4-5-6
Yes that was the day of my wedding (4th May 2006). My wife and I started making preparations for the marriage. Cards were to be printed. Leave to be applied for. Honeymoon destination to be agreed on. Travel arrangements to be made. We thought that organizing the marriage all by ourselves would be a big trouble. But once we shortlisted on the things to do, everything fell in place. My in laws arrived a couple of days before the marriage and stayed in our new house. My parents came a day before the marriage and stayed at my place. I would forever be thankful to Air Deccan that they did not cancel any flights that day. From my side, my parents and an aunt came for the marriage. From my in law's side, my wife's parents and her brothers came.
So the day of the marriage was here. The itinerary on my side was like this. Get up at 7 in the morning. Get ready. Go to the temple. Pick up the bride. Get married. I had booked a Chevy for the travel. The vehicle arrived at 930 sharp and we finished the temple business. Then we rushed to pick up the bride. We picked up some sweets on the way. There, we were welcomed with fanfare befitting a groom. My mom in law did the aarti and gifts were exchanged.
We went to the registrar's office. We had no trouble with the witnesses this time around. There were plenty of them. The witnesses were my father, her father and my aunt. This was proposed by my mom in law and was unanimously accepted. My wife and I went to the registrar's office a day ago to ensure that everything was in place. He said everything is fine. And asked us to make the balance 1500 payment the next day. Gosh this guy had a good memory.
There were a couple who had married earlier and had come to formally register their marriage. They were in the line before us. They were short by one witness. Suddenly, they got a bit nervous. I swooped in and told them that I was prepared to be the third witness. I was more out of the need to speed en up my wedding process more than anything else. My wife and I looked at each other and we smiled reminiscing the memories of the Fool's day.
So our marriage process began in the earnest. There were a couple of forms that were signed and then we went to the computer room. 60 bucks later, we had the certificate. But hold it, we were not married as of now. On the other side of the PA's room was the registrar's room. We were ushered in to meet him. He asked us our names and our ages. Signed on the certificate and lo and behold, I was officially married. Wow!!. We offered his some sweets. He asked us to go with his PA and complete some formalities.
Later, we had to do some paperwork in the PA's office. He made out three copies of the certificate duly signed and stamped. He congratulated us. I was to give the money to him. But seeing my father standing beside me, I just could not muster the courage to bribe him. I asked my wife to ask my father in law to take my father out of the office. As both our parents went, I gave the remaining amount to the PA and hugged my wife (Actually I wanted to kiss my wife Hollywood ishtyle but my wife said it was not a good idea). My wife shed a few tears of joy and we rushed out to our relatives - its 2pm and all are hungry.
The marriage lunch was held at a the Nandini restaurant next to the BDA Complex. I had not booked the place thinking that we would get some place easily on a weekday. But we still had to wait for about 15 minutes before we were able to sit. Bouquets were exchanged and a few photographs taken. After the lunch, we went back to our new home. Again an aarti was performed - this time my mother in law and my aunt did the aarti. Rings were exchanged. My mom had made our traditional mangasutra which my wife wears with the cross. A few more photos and wow we were happily married.
PS - Some notes on the Special Marriages Act (Popularized by Bollywood as Court Marriage) and some tips on dealing with the registrar and his cronies.
I am officially a Tam Brahm and my wife a Mallu-Christian. So the only way that we could have married legally in India was to get married under the Special Marriages Act. To be married under this law, you need to provide a notice - remember that scene in Baazigar when Shilpa Shetty is thrown from the top of the registrar's office. SRK knew this rule and did not issue the notice. (I don't know why it is called a notice). What happens is that the registrar's office forwards our Notice to the office of the registrar in the districts where the bride and the groom's permanent residences are. This notice is pasted on the notice board in these offices and anyone who has an objection to the marriage should do it within 30 days.
There is "cooling off" period of 30 calendar days before the parties to the notice. Only after 30 days of the issue of notice, can the marriage ceremony take place. Further, the marriage should take place within 90 days of the issue of the notice.
The registrar is hardly available and it is very difficult to meet him directly. In fact, most of the times, he is not in the office. He comes in once or twice in a couple of hours to sign some papers and leaves. Most of the work is done by the PA. To meet the PA too, you need to go through an agent. The PA would not take the money on his own to avoid getting caught taking a bribe. You would have to pay the agent who in turn would give it to the PA's sidekick.
The colleague that I was talking about, got married without an agent at the Jayanagar Registrar's office. She still had to shell out around 1000 bucks. Remember all fees are negotiable. The lesser the documents that you have, the greater would be the cost.
